01 April 2015

Month 4: Decreasing on MG

This month went by rather quickly and I cannot praise the heavens enough for it. Given that my third month was filled with plugged nose and I could not taste my food, this month was the end of it. I started tasting food as long as if they were spicy at the level of sweats on your scalp, lips numb, and eyes burning.

I didn't notice much changes as far as my body goes but I am happy to say that I have noticed my vaping decreased. The amount of nicotine also dropped from 12 mg to 3-9mg in just three weeks. My urge to vape now compared to two months ago has lessen to about 50% if I say so myself. I no longer feel the need to constantly hold on to my vape when I am out in public or near me. My battery life on my vape at full charge can last me about a day and a half, sometimes a full 48 hours. A 15 ml e-juice use to last me exactly 7 days and as of today, that can last me about 10 days.

My fourth month has to be the closest I have ever gotten to being analog-free compared to the days I used to try cold turkey. I have never felt better about my skin, breathing, and waking up in the morning. I dreaded waking up because I always felt sluggish and tired, but today I can stretch for a minute and hop out of bed at 7AM without wanting to roll over and sleep in.

I know it is not as good as being completely off the analogs because I still have nicotine intakes daily, but give me credit because I have been a half-a-pack-a-day for 6 long years. This is the closest I got to victory! Ha-ha, sounds mushy, but if it had not been for vaping I would not have the energy to start up on my fitness journey again or have the strength to wake up with a positive attitude everyday. Vaping has helped me think clearly and focus on all the things on my to-do-list.

What have you done to help you quit analogs? Are you vaping?

31 March 2015

Debt Free: March 2015 Breakdown

(Debt # & Outstanding Balance)

Debt #3: $2,858.21 =  PAID OFF!
Debt #4: $200 =  $11,282.17

FINALLY! One of the two major student loans is paid off! Thank you Jesus. We are officially one pay off closer to start our "First Home" savings. The feeling has not sunk it yet since the payment has only been placed today and it will take about 2-3 business days for it to show on the student profile, but a little "Hooray" doesn't hurt, right? So HOORAAAAAYYYY *Happy dance, twerk twerk* 

That out of the way, Joel and I can start feeding our savings account in lump sum each month and continue to pay Debt #4 monthly. The monthly minimum for Debt #4 is $111.00 but by paying double each month, we are actually giving ourselves an "allowance." This means that if we cannot pay the next month, it is okay because paying double will push your due date forward by an extra month. Ex: I paid $200 for March, my next due date will be in May.

This method will hopefully work in our favor in the next few months since we are planning to make a move. Yes, I spent my vacation to go apartment hunting and I found a place that would be perfect. I just need to make a trip back up with Joel to finalize everything :)

Now that Debt #3 is done and over with, it's crunch time. Time to focus on building up that credit score, savings account, and de-cluttering the house.

What do you hope to accomplish by going debt-free?

18 March 2015

To end the suffering


I've been feeling a little crappy lately and I don't know if it's the bipolar weather or that I'm feeling low. Whatever it is, I am trying to avoid hitting rock bottom.

During my past vacation, I heard of two suicides and one that hit me like a brick because a teenage girl the same age as my nephew killed herself. She was bullied because of her sexuality and that is one of the hardest thing to ever go thru as a teenager. During my vacation, I took the time to listen to my growing niece and nephew as they deal with things I have already experienced, and it sucks to know that they are starting to hurt the same way I have. Bullying is never okay and I know how strong words and actions can affect a young person. My nephew is dealing with people bullying him because he's trying to do the right thing while my niece is being bullied by her own “friends”. Both are not okay with me as I dealt with both while I was in school.

It hurts to know that I cannot be there to stand as a shield in front of them, but I can talk to them which is something I never had. I had “talks” with my mom, but she didn't understand where I was coming from because she didn't grow up in an era where kids were cruel & self-harming existed.

One thing I wanted my parents to understand when I was going through all the bullshits was that no matter how many biblical quotes they shoved down my throat, I still felt alone. No matter how many hours and days they stayed home with me, I still felt like I was facing the world on my own. The weight of the world was crushing my ribs, my spine, and my will.

Sometimes when I hear news about someone that committed suicide I always think to myself “That could have been me. He/she is no longer suffering.” The feeling of wanting to die is a way for the individual to look at it as an escape to stop feeling pain the next day. They cannot take the heartache or the many sleepless nights. They are emotionally drained and just feel like a bag of bones.

This might sound stupid, but no one thinks about suicide to hurt other people. I admit that there were times when I wanted to make others feel pain as if I will rise from my grave, and watch those who tortured me be grieve stricken or say “sorry.” This is the exact thought I had the very last time I stood in my closet when I was a teenager. I bawled my eyes out sitting on the floor just thinking how much it will hurt my parents, and that they might feel like they failed as parents. I actually had a conversation in my head weighing out all the reasons why I should and shouldn't. If I went through with it and succeeded, it'll mean that I let my tormenters win and I lose (even in death). This is how I dealt with it then and how I deal with it now.

I'm not going to lie and say I haven't relapsed recently, but how I deal with problems that I feel like is out of my control is to always think “Never let them get the best of you. It's okay to cry in frustrations, but never let them break you.”

I know how it feels like when the world feels like it's swallowing you whole and you're losing hope. If you find yourself trying to find ONE reason why you shouldn't end your suffering, think about the people that loves you the most and think how you'll leave them suffering with your absence.

The best response you can give to whatever or whoever is hurting you is your presence. Let them know you are aware of what they are doing to you, but you refuse to let them win. 

16 March 2015

Shopping Diet Challenges

I know I'm not the first one to say that I have a shopping addiction. It does not matter if it's a shirt on sale, a shoe on clearance that will not be made anymore, or that "I always need bobby pins" from Walmart. Bottom line, I have a problem that's not diagnose by professionals except my boyfriend who constantly ask "So what did your eyes see online today?"

This year, we are working together towards two goals: Move into a new place and to erase a total of $8,500 of student loan (that pays off one and partial of the other one.) I am responsible of budgeting and balancing our finances. He works long months so the least I can do is control my shopping….. err addiction. Yes, I called it an addiction because sometimes I just really have a hard time putting down the credit cards or walking away from a great sale or clearance item at TJMaxx.

I have been meaning to do this for almost a year now, but my vacation last year side tracked my mind (great excuse, eh) and decided to neglect that potential goal.

This seems simple enough but budgeting really is harder than it seems. It's all about self control and I know that's something that seems to be hard for people with shopping addiction -_-.

Starting today March 16, 2015, there will be no binge shopping. Here are the list of what I can and cannot shop for:

#1 Challenge: March - June 2015

DO's:
  • Groceries (homemade dog food, basic groceries etc)
  • Pet necessities (medicines, rabbit food, grooming)
  • Vape (coil, e-juice)
  • Hygiene (toothpaste, shampoo, soap, etc)
DONT's:
  • Accessories (bags, jewelry, shoes, hats)
  • Miscellaneous (nail polish, eBay)
  • Household goods (decorations, bedsheets, kitchenware)
  • Electronic goods
  • Entertainment (DVDs, e-books, iTunes movies)
  • Beauty products (trying out new products just because)
  • Clothes (online shopping mainly when I am bored)
***EDIT: April 9, 2015:
Obviously I had to redo this shopping diet post because I have gotten into reading books lately, and I discovered Kindle and iBook. I also had to restock on my holy grail of nail strengthener and new gym clothes. So you see, I'm all over the place.

I did however kept my cool as far as buying new clothes and home goods, etc. I stuck to the original Do's and Don'ts about 70%. Instead of doing a list for each challenge, I will set a month budget. Any left over from the monthly budget will be automatically added into savings account.

April has just started and I have not spent on anything, not even groceries so we can pick up from there. Here are the NEW challenge rules.***

RULES:

  1. $500 monthly budget
  2. Spend ONLY on - 
    • Grocery = 60%
    • Misc = 40%
      • Vape
      • Workout needs
      • Restock supplies i.e. toothpaste, shampoos, etc.
      • Books
      • Lunch dates with my mama (Yes, this is a must and a new goal)

What I hope to accomplish with this Shopping Diet Challenge?
My boyfriend and I want to finally make a fresh start by moving to a new city. We want to welcome our future being debt and clutter free as well as having better control over our finances. It's a journey we hope to turn into a habit :)



Aloha,

Elysia