We all struggle with confidence! We really do. It might sound shallow but I really think it has a lot to do with looks. Sure looks should not matter so much (that's the lie your mother will tell you ha-ha), but growing up I always felt like an ugly duckling.
After 20 something years, I learned how to build confidence and to find self-worth. I did not have much confidence until three years ago and I did not realize my self-worth until last year. So you see, it takes time and in your 20s, it really should be your selfish years.
Here are the three top area where I learned to LOVE myself:
- Fitness Journey
- Travel
- Alone time
Let me clear something here first before anyone judge or comment on this list. I am not saying you should go out and buy a box of make-up, drain your bank account, and to isolate yourself from any interaction. Let's break them down to what I have learned in the past few years.
Fitness
To most, you will translate this into "appearance". I am not going to sugar coat it and lie, but yes that is one of it. Our body is a temple and we must take care of it because no one else will. A lot of our insecurities comes from the way we look. Either from having acne scars, extra pounds, that annoying muffin top when we wear our favorite jeans, or feeling worthless because we ate too much burgers. Take control of your health and it will reflect on the outside.
I used to think that fitness was a destination, but as the years pass by I began to realized that fitness is a journey. It's a never ending journey to a better health and should be practiced daily, and not just when you are feeling bloated or need to "drop a few pounds" to fit into your jeans for the weekend.
Workout helped me shed 30+ pounds a few years ago and that helped boost my confidence because my clothes started to get loose and smaller clothes began to fit better. Then I slacked off because I got comfortable (we all know that relapse feeling), and gained 1/3 of the weight I lost and began to feel chummy again.
I'm back on track again (Seven weeks strong as of today) and I have never felt better. I started to rely on my workout as a stress reliever and as an energy booster. When you have a full load of energy, there is nothing you cannot do. Okay, that might be too much but yes it does give you "super powers", it gives you well… confidence. When you like what you see, you are more likely to give out positive vibes in all aspects of your life.
Travel
I wish I had a "travel" mindset before I graduated high school. You cannot turn back time, but you can always start something now. Although I regret not going to a four-year college somewhere in the mainland I still decided to explore new places. I got bit by the travel bug when I took a vacation all on my own last year and I do not regret it one bit. I did spend time with family and my best friends, but the fact that I traveled on my own was the best feeling ever.
Traveling and meeting new people & new places will be one of the best experience you will ever have. Money spent on traveling is the best investment you will ever have. Get out of your comfort zone and see what the world has to offer. Experience and enjoy the company of others for yourself. You will learn a lot about yourself, realize what you want in your life, and what you don't want. New people and places will allow you to analyze your own life and see where you want to be. It either helps you appreciate what you already have or what you want to change.
You cannot grow as an individual if you are always surrounding yourself with the same people, place, and view. You cannot keep on living where your problems come from. Go beyond that THEN come back to analyze your own situation. See what needs to change and what should stay.
During my endless in and out travel since last year (I actually traveled quite often than usual), I felt refreshed and got my passion to start a business again. I came back home with the determination that in order for me to move forward with my dreams, I need to work harder than usual and never let one bad day get me down. I met hustlers, entrepreneurs, and motivated people. That is something I needed in my life because I was lacking in that department.
Go out and explore! Make new connections with people and new places! Just live.
Alone time
I was never the type of person who liked being alone. I always had to have someone with me at all times. Whether it'd be eating a meal, watching a movie, or someone to walk around the mall with and shop. I could not stand silence AT ALL! Call me needy or childish, I don't care.
During your teenage years you want nothing more than the company of a bunch of "friends" and less with family. You want quantity over quality in everything. As you get older and face more stress, you seek silence and just a handful of people to be around you at your worst times.
I filtered out my friends and who I let in my circle, so to the eyes of others I seem like a loner. I only trust ten or less people and out of that ten, I can only tell 1-2 about everything. The only person who knows every single thing about me is myself.
Practice having an "alone time" and learn to be your own best friend. No one in this world understands you more than yourself. If you spend time to yourself at least once a day, you take time out from dipping into others' dramas and really begin to focus on YOU. Silence is a virtue and so is being your own friend.
You don't always have to be around others every day, every weekends, or text/call your friends. Sometimes it is best to just ignore everyone for awhile and have a connection with yourself. Go shopping, drive for hours, eat lunch, chill, or lounge around. Whatever method you choose make sure you find the purpose of your "alone time." It should be when you are at peace with your own company, reflect what you appreciate about yourself, and to push back the opinions of others. Talk to yourself!
I started practicing alone time about a year and a half ago, BEST DECISION EVER! I can think clearly without the influence of other's opinions. I learned to rely on myself and to fully trust my own decisions without feeling like I am doing something that other people will not approve of. Today, I don't always feel the need to go out and be surrounded by people that wants to "catch up." I pick the circle I want to "hang out" with and will not think twice about saying "No" to a situation I don't feel like being in. I would rather be alone doing the "basic bitch" thing at night than be around acquaintances. Alone time has taught me how to value my time, energy, and my self worth. Not everyone is your friend, remember that.
Bottom line
I built my self confidence empire from the bottom and up. I worked on myself from the outside and in (because working on the exterior first is easier). Sure it took me years, but the outcome was worth the while. I no longer let someone tell me that the baby fats on my forearm needs to be toned up (because I know they are not budging, but have you checked out my tush? ha-ha), I'm working on building my dream job from scratch and 100% passion once again, and no one can make me question myself anymore because I know where I'm meant to be going.
The best art you can work on is yourself. If you take a setback, look at it as a break and recuperate. Get up from where you left off and slay!
"Giving people self-confidence is by far the most important thing that I can do. Because then they will act." -Jack Welch
